July 2010,

Not many times that I really welcome the day with such a beautiful feeling. And I will cherish each day like today for tomorrow, and the next day, and the rest of my life.
It’s been years since I had a girlfriend, and we broke up 3 years ago. I felt really lonely and empty ever since, seems love had been taken away from me forever.
But last month, a miracle happened. I managed to get a grip on my feelings, and ready to start a new life, and begin to feel happy again. Just being happy, sometimes for no reason. I felt gratitude for the things that I already had, instead of wishing and longing for things that I don’t have.
And suddenly I began to think about how wonderful my relationship with my ex were. How we care about each other, how we were deeply in love. It’s like a flashback of a teen romantic movie. I remember how we started to feel different about each other, then I remember the time we actually go out together, eating ice cream, watching silly romantic movies, and many funny things happened around us when we’re together, just enough to make us laugh.
It’s like yesterday that I actually stood in front of her house at midnight, just to give her a rose.

And few weeks later, I asked her to be my girl, and she said yes.
I still remember our first kiss, in the car inside the rain, it was awkward but romantic, and I couldn’t stop smiling that night!

I remember all the good times that we had, how we cherish each other, we cuddled and kissed, enjoyed the time we had together.

Although now it seems that it was already ended, I prefer to remember only the good times, and in my heart, I thank her for the love that she had given me. And I thank God for giving me a lover through this person. And if I’m not destined to be with her, I believe that I’m still destined to love and to be loved by a beautiful girl, the right girl which God will deliver to me at the right time and place.

I think I’m ready for love, and expecting whoever matches my vibration, I’m sure that whoever that is, this is the one for me.

And one day, suddenly, a beep from my cell phone. It’s a text. From my ex…..

She just said hi, and asking me how am I doing. I replied that I’m fine.
It’s been years that we had so minimal contact, so this was kind of weird.
Then she asked about my family, how are they doing now. I told her that everyone’s fine.
Then afterwards, she texted me often, just a chit chat, told me how she’s doing now, and finally she told me that she missed me, and she want to meet me.

I agreed, although I’m not really sure what will happen next. Then we go out for a coffee. Although seems like things have changed, the chemistry is still there. We had a really great time. Many laughs, many stories. Seems like we never had enough time, but we had to call it a night.

Then for next days, we met for a casual walk to the mall, go out to dinner, for a movie. I wasn’t aware that during our time together, we always holding hands.

When I finally realised it, I asked her casually, what’s up with the holding hands. She didn’t say anything. She just looked into my eyes. There’s tears in her beautiful eyes, and I suddenly realise how much I love her, and that moment I knew that she still love me.
And then all of a sudden, she kissed me and hugged me. She said that she never stop loving me, and she understand if this will not go the way she want to be, but she thanked me for giving her a chance to be together even if this is only for a moment.
I didn’t say anything. Then we kissed. All of a sudden, the beautiful memories rise again, I finally got the love I wanted, and the girl is actually her!
We cuddled and kissed, enjoying our time together.
And finally, I asked her casually, “Is this mean that we’re back together?”. She didn’t answer, instead she kissed me passionately. I think it’s a yes.
I will always remember the month June. The month that I finally got a girlfriend, which happens to be my beautiful old girlfriend.

July 2010 …After time and reflection my man is back in my life and we are both commited to our love and in creating an awesome future together more than ever! We never lost each other but lost ourselves in each other and needed to find ourselves on our own.  Our relationship is one of support, growth, friendship, intimacy, learning, sharing and alot of fun. We are independant beings and not co-dependant making for a healthy relationship with good communication and bounderies that we have achieved. We just go with the flow now …..as our paths intermingle in the same space understanding each others needs aswell as our own. We trust and respect each other deeply to do what we both want to do in life together and seperately. There is a knowing and connection that has always and will always been there from many lifetimes of being together we know each other like no other ever has before.

I am just thinking of how comfortable I feel being with my boyfriend. I am comfortable knowing that we will always be together and nothing can ever come between us. We have grown so close over the past month and I love it. I love the fact that I know he is mine for always, I love knowing that he is true to me and he always makes me feel so great when I am with him. He treats me better than I could ever have hoped for. I never panic about anything and I trust him implicently in every single way. I have another weekend coming up to spend lots of quality time with him, I’m so excited about seeing him again. We spoke yesterday, as we always do every day. The vibe when I talk to him is so full of positive energy as we encourage eathother in every way and we’re always interested in everything we talk about. I love his sence of humour too, sometimes we are in stitches when we are on the phone to eachother, we are both cheeky to eachother but in a flirtacious way, we tease eachother and joke about, it’s so lovely. I love my phone calls with him. He’s also started to tell me he loves me every day too… that’s just dreamy. I’ve so been looking forward to the day when I have a boyfriend and I can tell him I love him every day and hear those words being spoken to me too. Sometimes he is silly and he said I think I love you more and we have those silly conversations but I love them too as they make me feel more special and we both re-assure eachother all the time in every way.

It’s also my birthday next week and he’s told me that he’s going to surprise me in some way so I’m really looking forward to that and I think he is too ! He knows I love my jewellery too so he said he’s going to take me shopping to buy me something special but we have to choose it together, I’m beside myself about that, we’re doing that at the weekend !!

Oh I just love my boy so so so much, he’s so lovely and he’s totally my perfect match in the most amount of ways it’s unbelievable ! I thank God and the Universe every day for bringing someone so wonderful into my life, THANK YOU !

Well it’s a couple of days later and I have just come back home from spending so much quality time with my man. I love the feeling of waking up with him next to me and it’s a weekend and I know that we can lounge around for a while and just relax in eachother’s company. He always gives me lots of cuddles when he wakes up in the morning and leans over to kiss me on the neck or on my lips if I’m facing that way ! I just love feeling his warmth on my skin, I love feeling him touch me and I love his firm hold on me with his big muscley arms. It makes me feel so secure and looked after, I love it and I love him. He goes downstairs to make me a cup of tea and he makes it perfectly, just the way I like it. Then brings it back to bed so we can sit in bed and drink our tea and gradually wake up together and start to talk about what we’re going to do for the day as we have no particular plans. It was a beautiful day yesterday so we decided to have a bit of a lie out in the garden while the sun was hot and then we thought we’d go shopping in the West End. Neither of us like to do that very often but being as we were looking for a birthday present for me I could hardly turn that offer down. It was really nice anyway as we went to a few shops scattered around the place, not all just jewellery shops !.. and we stopped for a coffee and then carried on for a while and then stopped for a bite to eat .. so we took it all in our stride and it was really relaxing and we found a beautiful necklace which he ended up buying for me !! It’s so lovely and he spent more on me than I expected. I’m so happy and he was genuinely interested in finding something nice for me too so it was really nice because I wan’t just dragging him round the shops, we had a lovley day of it and he was totally motivated in finding me a nice present… and it was absolutely beautiful, just like he is. Now I have to wait for him to give it to me on the day !!

I just spoke to my boy – I miss him. I only saw him yesterday but I miss being with him so much. I feel this huge detachment like something is missing from me when I’m not with him. Still it gives me time to do my own stuff and have an early night and do sensible things ! He was so lovely on the phone to me just now, we both had a bit of a moan that it’s only monday and that we’d like to be with eachother on a day off again. Then we actually spoke about booking a holiday – wow !! how exciting, a whole week of just being with my boy and totally relaxing and doing nice things the whole time. That will be something to look forward to for sure. Imagine relaxing on the beach with him, meals out on a terrace, talking and having fun.. oh I can’t wait for that ! So we just had a catch up chat, talked about some rubbish, just anything so we can still be on the phone to eachother, I love listening to his voice, he gets flirty sometimes and tells me he wants to be touching and kissing me.. that’s really nice to hear that. He says all the right things bless him, I coudn’t be happier.. or maybe I will but I am so so so very happy now. I love him so much.

Again I’ve got another exciting weekend to look forward to. Tonight I’m having an early night so I can have lots of sleep and get myself in tip top condition for tomorrow. I’m going out for my birthday tomorrow night and I can’t wait ! My boy is going to meet some of my friends, I know they’ll all get on really well so Im not at all worried about that. I’ve got to decide what to wear, I want to look really great tomorrow so that he feels really proud to be my boyfriend when we’re out. I’m looking forward to having laughs and fun times and a great night with my boy and my friends.  I know he’ll look great too, he makes my heart pound every time I see him, he just seems to look better and better all the time. I’m excited to see him and I’m excited because it’s my special night out and I’m excited that I’m going to have a special present from my boy. It’ll be the first one and it’ll be so meaningful and romantic. I will cherish it forever as the first present ever from my boy.

I spoke to him earlier on, just our usual daily chat, I still love hearing his voice on the phone, every time, it makes me smile like crazy. He’s relaxing tonight too so I hope he’s thinking of me as much as I’m thinking of him.. I love him so much.

I think about him all the time, he’s always on my mind. I feel so much love for my boy. He makes me feel happy, he makes me feel intense happiness, he makes me feel so special and loved and wanted. He makes me feel secure and he makes me feel content. He makes me feel that my world has come together and that I have nothing to ever worry about ever again. He makes me feel like I’m a part of him, he makes me feel complete. When he holds me he makes me melt in his arms and when he kisses me I feel tenderness, loving, caring and passion. He makes me feel excited every time I know I am going to see him or even every time I am speaking to him on the phone. Sometimes my body shakes with anticipation when I am with him and we are being passionate, the chemistry between us ignites into roaring flames. He makes me feel a way that nobody has ever made me feel before. The extent of the love I feel from him and the care I feel from him and the being looked after I feel from him is something amazing. He makes me feel that I am his everything as he is mine, he makes me feel that I am his No. 1 priority in the same way that he is mine. He makes me feel that I want to be touching him and with him all the time. He feels part of me, he is my other half, my partner, my husband, my soul mate, my rock, my best friend, my everything. I thank my lucky stars, the moon, the sun, the Universe and God for making us meet in a way that we were destined to be together, we just flowed into eachother’s lives and fell into eachothers laps in a most unexpected way but when looking back it all makes sence and the timing is divine timing and it is perfect.

I feel happy and content every time I hear his voice on the phone. I feel excited and sometimes nervous whenI know he’s about to turn up on my doorstep. I feel a yearning to touch him every time I am with him, I love to feel connected to him in some way. I feel that something is missing when I am without him. I feel complete and utter love for him and from him.

After an absolutely amazing weekend with my soul mate, I’m back to work and my usual day to day activites and I miss being with him so much. I look at the phone and I want to hear his voice or get a text from him, I really want to see his face and hold onto him and kiss him. Even when I’ve just put the phone down to him my heart yearns to be with him again. He called me yesterday while I was at work and asked me if I had any particular plans for the night so I said that I was just going to go to the gym. He asked that if I didn’t mind not going that he was thinking he’d like to take me out so he said put something nice on and get a bit dressed up and then I’ll pick you up at 7.30pm. I was so excited !! I’d only been away from him for the day and he clearly couldn’t keep away from me either, what a lovely boyfriend I have. He’s just so unbelieveable, he makes me feel so special it’s just amazing, it’s more and more than I could ever have drempt of. So I spent the rest of the afternoon thinking of what I could wear and decided to put on my leggings and boots with a slightly see through shirt from Guess that I bought a few weeks ago (infact I bought it with the intention of wearing on a date before we’d met !). So that is what I wore and he was more than happy with that. He looked as gorgeous as ever when he turned up at my house. He wore some smart dark blue jeans which fit him perfectly and make him look so sexy. With a white t shirt and a black v neck jumper on top. Oh he just looks so divine, I want to eat him up every time I see him, he just takes my breath away. The more I see him and the more I get to know him the more attractive I find him and the more our chemistry ignites, it’s just amazing. He took me to a restaurant about a ten minute drive from here, it’s quite posh and you can have drinks at the bar first so we did that for the first half hour. As always we found a little booth where we sat and he had his arms around me  – ahhhhh i’m back in heaven !!! And then we were taken to our table and had an absolutely amazing meal. We spent a couple of hours there, just talking and laughing, enjoying our food and enjoying eachother’s company. Both of us said that we feel like we’ve known eachother for way longer than we have and that we could never imagine our lives without eachother anymore. I love that he’s so open about his feelings and he’s so honest about everything with me. I trust him implicintly and I thank my lucky stars that he is my double in so many ways.

we had a wonderful evening, such a lovely surprise for me even though i’d only been back to work for one day ! He drove me home and then came in for a while. We held eachother and we had passionate kisses. It was so beautiful and then again when it was time for him to leave to go home he held my face and he looked deeply into my eyes, he looked slightly sad at the thought of leaving me but then his lips turned into a massive smile and he looked slightly nervous and said to me ‘you know what.. I’m definately falling in love with you and I’ve never been so happy in my life’ .. that was my biggest surprise of all ! That brought a few tears to my eyes and we held eachother for a while longer and then when I could finally talk I said to him ‘I’m falling in love with you too and we will be happier with every day’

WOW WEEEEEEEEEEE !!!!!!

Today is thursday and now I am missing him like crazy. I’ve had 2 days of not seeing him and I want to be with him now. We’ve text eachother a lot and I’ve spoken to him twice yesterday and once so far today. Now we are in a routine where we’ll always speak to eachother before we go to bed so whoever goes to bed first calls the other so I will be speaking to him in the next few minutes.. and can’t wait to hear his voice on the phone. Every morning when I wake up he is the first thing on my mind and straight away I think am I going to see him today. Waking up with him is the best, it’s just such a wonderful feeling and I have that to look forward to at the weekend. He told me he thinks about me all the time and is always planning ahead in his mind, which is exactly the same as I do. I have thought about so many things I want to do with him. I want him to come with me to Cambridge and meet my best friend and God daughter. I want us to go on holiday together. I’ve been trying to figure out in my head how I want our wedding to be but I’ll keep that to myself for now. For now I’m just so happy in this relationship and I’m so happy that all my wishes have been granted and that I have my most perfect man I could ever have wished for. My friends are eating their words now because they told me I was being too fussy and waiting for Mr Perfect.. well it appears they were right but they didn’t know that I’d get him, they thought i’d always be looking ! My life is so wonderful and I’m going to speak to my beautiful gorgeous man now before I go off to dream land. I love him so much.

and i feel so content, so happy.. now that he’s mine i can stop thinking about it… I can study! i feel amazing…

We are getting closer and closer.

It’s Easter weekend and I have lots of lovely activities planned with my boy. We had a really relaxed day today, both of us had been out with friends last night as we were both feeling a bit worse for ware and didn’t really feel like doing much. We text eachother when we were feeling a bit human and out of bed and showered ! Then we planned that I’d go over to his and we just watch TV and DVDs, drink lots of tea, eat snacks and kiss and cuddle up a lot ! So this is exactly what we did. It was just such a lovely relaxing day, we both had our trackies on and sat in his bed and watched films and we cuddled up the whole time, it was just what we both needed after a busy week at work. Sometimes we got passionate and then we just lay in eachother’s arms again and got more tea. Then my boy made us some dinner which was so nice as I really don’t like cooking when I’m not feeling that great so it was just wonderful to be pampered, cooked for and cuddled all day long. Today was a beautiful day and one I’d like to have many more days similar. It made me feel that things are right, it was just what I wanted and just what I needed and he needed. A great start to the long weekend. I came home late in the evening as we both thought it would be best for us to sleep seperately so that we could get a good night’s sleep and be back on top form for tomorrow.

On saturday I woke up feeling all refreshed after a lovely long catch up on my sleep. I must be feeling so relaxed and comfortable and content with my man because I am sleeping so well these days, it must mean that my mind knows this is the right way of life for me. I called him after I had my breakfast and he sounded full of joys and had also slept well and was looking forward to spending another day with me too !

He came over and picked me up and we decided to go and do a bit of shopping as the sales are on. We looked for things we thought would look good on eachother ! It was such fun, I ended up getting some shoes with a bit of a heel and a couple of tops which I will wear when we go out for dates. He got some jeans which looked great on him and a shirt which was quite fitted and showed off his great physique, he looked so sexy !

We then drove off into the coutry side and took a walk. He held my hand all the way. We talked and talked and again found that we have even more interests, it seems that we really have got all the same interests, I can’t talk to anybody like I can talk to him, it’s so great. We have spiritual conversations all the time and he thinks in the same way as I do. He’s also into massage and reflexology and all the alternative therapies I’ve learnt and practise, there’s just so much going on it’s amazing ! I just love being with him, talking to him and sharing our interests. It excites me that I can talk so openly to him and share my opinions and he understands everything. This also seems to encourage our attraction and ignites our chemistry even more as we feel closer and closer, I just love it, I love it so much, being with him is so great. It hurts my heart when I’m away from him now, he’s such a part of me, I just want to be with him every hour of every day. He is definately my soul mate as I feel it so much, I feel the way he was drawn to me in the beginning, we have such a strong connection, it’s like absolutley nothing could ever come between us. I’m so grateful for the love of my life, i’m so happy to be with him – I give my utter sincere thanks to the Universe and to God for bringing to me my perfect match and I’m so happy beyond my wildest dreams.

I have just come back home from spending the most wonderful Easter weekend with my boy. I have had such a lovely time and I truly feel even closer to him than ever. He makes me feel special, he makes me feel loved. I utterly trust him so much, it’s great to know that he misses me when we’re apart as much as I miss him. I know everything he tells me is totally the truth and he’s been up front with me from the beginning and I’ve known where I stand with him from the start. He is so special, the man of my dreams, he’s my second half and I feel it now so much when he’s not with me. I wish I was with him now and I’ve only been home for half an hour ! Still I’ll be seeing him in a couple of days again and he’s just sent me a lovely text to say that he’s missing me already and to have sweet dreams and a relaxing sleep. THANK YOU SO MUCH GOD FOR MY WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP.

Okay so I don’t know how it came about, but in some way ive been holding myself back from actually making too many changes. I think its probably a combination of that seed fear, but also maybe wanting to make sure I got everything right before I set everything into motion.

So now im flipping the switch on it. And now it isn’t about things that are “going” to happen its about things that Are happening. I don’t care what needs to be done, im flipping the switch, things are changing and if something isnt exactly perfect I can swing around and make other changes to pick up the pieces.

I don’t have to get it right the first time.
I don’t have to get it right the first time, just get it pretty darn close, and I don’t have any problem with that because I know so much.

we kissed in the morning, he seemed a little rushed and we didnt talk at lunch much. we talked after school a little, he seemed like he wanted to spend time with me but then he went home and now he hasnt been online
but i know how he is.. i know he likes me so much…